#6 - Cell Phones

Korean people love mainly 3 things. Working, drinking and cell phones. Whether at work or out drinking, Koreans are always using their cell phones.

But Korean cell phones don't just make calls, they do wondrous shit that phones probably shouldn't do. They send text messages, play music, show live TV, play video games, serve as a vanity mirror, take videos and I'm sure a plethora of other things that I can't even fathom.

#5 - Perms

Straw, top ramen, pubes, poodles... These aren't random things to a Korean women, these are fashion ideas...

Every Korean women, at one time or another, decides it's time to break the rule of black straight hair, and branch out into uncharted territory, black frizzy hair.

I'm not sure why this style is so popular, hell, I don't think anyone knows.

#4 - Squid

Salty, sour, fishy and hard... Sounds like I'm describing King Triton's cock, right? But I'm actually talking about Korea's favorite food. There are a lot of cultures that eat squid, but Korean people love it in a completely different way.

For them it can be a snack, meal, pet, decoration, job or way of life.

And the stuff is sold everywhere. In stores, right next to the potato chips you see packaged dried squid. At baseball and soccer games there's dudes out front barbequing mass amounts of it. At schools, kids munch on it in class and on break like other kids would chew bubble gum.

Perhaps the main reason why Korean people love squid is the sense that they are giving respect to their forefathers. Most Korean people love the ocean (even though none of them can swim) and have at least one relative who is a fisherman or fisherwomen. Basically this combination blind love of country and ocean is keeping the demand for squid much higher than it should be. Because let's face it, the stuff tastes like crap.

#3 - Visors

One thing Korean people hate is the sun. That vile orb in the sky that causes dark skin and wrinkles; Two things that are unacceptable for Koreans to ever have. So, to try and avoid any contact with natural light, Korean people began wearing full-on masks.

In Korea, on any given hot summer day, you can see little old ladies waddling around town, usually pushing a baby stroller without a baby in it. They are guaranteed to be wearing long sleeves, long pants, those shoes with the soles curved like a banana, and a massive visor with a perm sticking out of the top. To me, it kind of looks like Darth Vader was cooking ramen noodles in his helmet and the whole thing boiled over.

But they're not only for the old, if you go into any Korean women's closet you'd definitely find all of these things: A Mickey Mouse t-shirt, a pair of flower pants, a knock-off purse and, sure enough, a big-ass visor.

#2 - Soju

Korean people like to socialize. And while socializing Korean people like to eat and drink. And while socializing and drinking, Korean people love to drink soju.

Korean people love to drink soju more than they love their families. Soju, if you haven't heard, is a shitty, sweet, deadly and disgusting alcohol made of rice and, I believe, pure evil.

Soju is the number one alcohol in Korea, probably the number one beverage for that matter. It is marketed as a super hip, cool and purebred Korean drink. Koreans seem to think that if you drink soju, babes will flock to you, dudes will high-five you and little kids will wish that you were their father.

This is wrong.

Usually seen in packs of 2 or more, soju drinkers start off the night with ties tied tight, faces surprisingly jolly and words clearly enunciated.

Fast forward a few hours and a few bottles and you'll notice their eyes have turned a brilliant red, their shirt has somehow come untucked and their tie is untied if not lost all together.

Usually, a soju drinker is as easy to spot as a bad toupee or a fantastic pair of fake titties.














(Soju drinker)

(Photo from blackoutkorea.com)

#1 - Kimchi

"Hey, Kim Jin Ho, I have an idea for a new delicious food!"

"What's that, Kim Min Young?"

"Ok, we take a cabbage, and smother it in red pepper."

"Hmmm... Continue..."

"Then, we smother that shit in fish paste."

"Aw, that sounds like crap dude."

"I know, I know dude, but let me finish... This is where it gets good. Then, we bury it is a huge pot, letting it ferment so it comes out tasting like a drunk bum just vomited up a used diaper... What do you think?"

"Kim, my boy, I think you may have something here..."

Now, Korean people love kimchi. No, I mean they're actually in love with kimchi. Talking shit about kimchi is like talking shit about someone's mama. Korean people see it as a national pride, a national treasure. To them it's like eating their flag or their white house. Like drinking the blood of Christ, only it tastes a little more fishy.