#11 - Being Quiet On The Subway

"Something something something sa mi da", sez the old Korean man.

"What?" Me.

"YOU! Volume down, you"

"Damn..." I thought.

Have you ever been shushed on a subway? I have, many times, and 100% of those have been in Korea.

Over the course of a calendar year, Korean people have ample opportunities for conversation, so, when the time comes to get on the subway, it's quiet time. It's a time of quiet reflection, a time to play with your cell phone and a time to stare down the foreigner.

#10 - Squatting

Within Korean culture, your choices of seating method says a lot about you. For example, sitting on the floor shows that you're HELLA Korean, while sitting in a chair kind of makes you look like an Uncle Tom (or Uncle Kim or something).

But, Koreans have found a way to still relax like a Korean, and at the same time keep their butts off the dirty ground.

Smoking a cigarette, eating, pooing and talking (the 4 things that Koreans like to do the most) can all be done comfortably from a squatted position. Perfection has never been so uncomfortable looking.

#9 - Hating Japan

If you ever find yourself trapped in an elevator with a Korean, first of all, choose plan A: kill yourself. If this is not a valid option, choose plan B: Talk about how much you hate Japan, you'll have a friend for life.

#8 - Rock Paper Scissors

Koreans can do powerful things with their hands: making Samsung TV's, indicating scorn, and pushing you out of the way on the bus even though they had enough damn room to just walk around you. Yet, these powers are nothing compared to what all Koreans are, it seems, naturally both born with and infatuated by.

To Koreans, Rock Paper Scissors (RPS) isn't just a childhood game, it's a way of life. And they take this stuff seriously.

Solving disputes, showing dominance or simply passing the time are all part of the religion of RPS.

Without it, this country would fall into chaos.

#7 - Prostitutes

"For a country that is super conservative, there sure are a lot of hookers up in this bitch!"

Bill Clinton said this when he arrived in Seoul on an East Asian diplomatic mission. And truer words have never been spoken.

In about every town in Korea, usually not very hidden, there is a red light district. A scandelous place filled with mark-ass marks, trick-ass marks, punk bitches, skip-skop skanks, scallywags, hoes, heffers, hee-has and hooley-hoos.

With prices starting at just around $45 (I've heard), it's within reach for even the cheapest horn dog. But beware... That's not a pimple on her lip.

#6 - Cell Phones

Korean people love mainly 3 things. Working, drinking and cell phones. Whether at work or out drinking, Koreans are always using their cell phones.

But Korean cell phones don't just make calls, they do wondrous shit that phones probably shouldn't do. They send text messages, play music, show live TV, play video games, serve as a vanity mirror, take videos and I'm sure a plethora of other things that I can't even fathom.

#5 - Perms

Straw, top ramen, pubes, poodles... These aren't random things to a Korean women, these are fashion ideas...

Every Korean women, at one time or another, decides it's time to break the rule of black straight hair, and branch out into uncharted territory, black frizzy hair.

I'm not sure why this style is so popular, hell, I don't think anyone knows.